How to handle a new dating relationship
To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy.
Ironically, this fear often arises when we are getting exactly what we want, when we’re experiencing love as we never have or being treated in ways that are unfamiliar.
, and you've found her, met her, and everything went perfectly.
You took her to bed as your lover, and now she's yours. Most people treat dating and relationships as some big, mythical, emotionally-driven process these days, devoid of much logical forethought or planning.
The more we value someone else, the more we stand to lose.
On many levels, both conscious and unconscious, we become scared of being hurt.
It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety.
Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it.
We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles.
As we get into a relationship, it isn’t just the things that go on between us and our partner that make us anxious.; it’s the things we tell ourselves about what’s going on.
The “critical inner voice” is a term used to describe the mean coach we all have in our heads that criticizes us, feeds us bad advice and fuels our fear of intimacy.
It can rouse serious spells of anxiety about dynamics that don’t exist and threats that aren’t even tangible.
Even when there are real things going on, someone breaks up with us or feels an interest in someone else, our critical inner voice will tear us apart in ways we don’t deserve.
So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating.